At a turning point

[PArob]

Thanks to both Kaly and GH. I really appreciate your insights in this.

The DB stuff does not have a clause in it that says something like "Detach, work on you, do 180's etc, UNLESS the bi@#@ does something that upsets you and then f@#$ it, all bets are off and it's go time!"

LMAO, thanks GH, thats the first real laugh I've had today. I thought I read that on p. 135......maybe I have a different version

Ok, so you are back to square one. I get that it's frustrating, but I still see a guy totally ruled by his W's actions and words. Like I said to Frank, our weakness here is that we crumble at the slightest positive sign. You did that

Yep, yep, yep and, just for good measure, yep. You're absolutely correct. I see a positive sign and its like I'm right back into it. I have to stay true to my principles.

So, in my opinion, your options are, in order of my (read MY) preference:
1) Start DBing again HARD. Pull back. Access the situation and go back to self-focus. Stop focusing on her and for God's sake stop focusing on the OM.

I really believe this is the path I must follow. Any talk at this point is really moot. She's not going to give me answers and all I'll do is get myself worked up.

So sorry you are going thru the crap. I hope this isn't unhelpful, but I'm not sure it's hopeless when your wife has actually SAID she valued and wanted the marriage. She just sounds very confused right now.

Thank you Kaly, I appreciate you empathy. No doubt about it. She is very confused. Just now, before she hopped in the shower to get ready for work, I talked briefly with her. I said that after today, I feel really like I'm being used (sorry GH, that's not DB) until its convenient for her to leave. She said (of course I'm sure it was with forked tongue), "I'm not leaving you". Again, she looked me straight in the eye and said "I love you." My last question to her, "do you believe that what you are doing is wrong?" She says, "I know that it is." Confusion? Yeah, I'd say. So maybe it isn't hopeless, maybe I need to ride this rough patch, get back on my path and not let her actions rule me. What else do I have to lose?

The point is, I've been further down than I am today and I managed to pull back through. This is no exception...except that I'm a little bit wiser. I trusted her words of committment, her desire to "want to set things straight" ...asking me forgiveness. I trusted all of that, but the point was, they were just words. Her actions speak otherwise. Do I blame her? Not really, I think she had good intentions. I really do. But as GH pointed out in one of his earlier posts, she came back before she was truly ready. Hopefully, she will be truly reaady someday. The point is, the more I react to her emotions and play to her guilt, the less likely that day will come soon.

Thanks again you guys, I will check back in tonight to see how everything is going.

Kaly, hopefully I'll be able to offer some advice to you real soon.