Well, one of the clues here is when you said you haven't really been living up to your DB goals... You said more, but that was the important part. In just more than a month of reading threads here, I have noticed that the most success befalls the ones who are most successful at acting on the DB principals. The DB stuff does not have a clause in it that says something like "Detach, work on you, do 180's etc, UNLESS the bi@#@ does something that upsets you and then f@#$ it, all bets are off and it's go time!" Ok, so you are back to square one. I get that it's frustrating, but I still see a guy totally ruled by his W's actions and words. Like I said to Frank, our weakness here is that we crumble at the slightest positive sign. You did that. You DO have choices to make. Again, a frank conversation where you let your W explain, in her words, using her definitions, what exactly is going on with you AND the "friend" seems to be the best thing. I know that's not DB, and if you could start back down the DB path, then by all means do it, but this conversation I am suggesting is in lieu of simply throwing in the towel and giving in to these rampant emotions you are feeling right now. So, in my opinion, your options are, in order of my (read MY) preference: 1) Start DBing again HARD. Pull back. Access the situation and go back to self-focus. Stop focusing on her and for God's sake stop focusing on the OM. 2) Schedule a non-negotiable conversation with your W where you ask her to express her feelings and explain what is going on. 3) Separate.
Sure, there are shades of grey in there but you get my drift. In any event, breathe. Take stock. See if there are any goals left to focus on, and go from there. I will check on you later tonight.
