At a turning point

[PArob]

I was just wondering if you could recall being in W's (current) shoes when you had your A and remembered if it was hard to let go of OW or not - if so, maybe because you felt so good in OW's presence and it gave you reassurance about yourself you had (temporarily) lost with W?

Yeah, it was hard to let go of OW, I had this idea that she fulfilled me in some way. Looking back I have no idea how...but it was there. I did backslide a couple of times, but eventually it all came to an end. At the time I remember thinking that my W was just not into me and the marriage.

But we all know that an EA is STILL an affair. I think it was Dr. Phil (yah, I know, I know....love him/hate him!) who said if you can't say it or do it in front of your wife, it's cheating.

Yeah, I know it, you know it, GH knows, and Dr. Phil knows it, but funny how the WAS doesn't see it that way. Again, recognize that my A was an EA, strangely enough I really wasn't interested in obtaining sex from this woman, I felt that we were on a higher level (WTF?). More than that, I really felt that getting physical was a true break in my vows to my W and something I could never take back...even as stupid as I was, I guess I had some principles. But to my W, it was an affair. No doubt about it. So, again, I ask, how is her sitch not an affair? She has emotional ties to this go, probably believes that she loves him and I know he believes he loves her....oh, well, I'm simply preaching to the choir.

Anyway, I have a feeling that lashing out in anger - even though you are in the right - is going to get you no where fast, PArob. What are our other options in these situations? How do you go dark when you live together (I have this issue, too, until we separate in March). What does DB-ing system say to do at this point? Anyone out there have any ideas for us??!!

Sigh, I know that lashing out is not getting me anywhere. But on some level, I remember when she called me on the carpet, it started to bring about a change in the whole ordeal. So, I guess at times I see it as that way...if I call her on the carpet, maybe she'll get the hint. Yeah, some hint. I really want to save this M, I love her and I feel for the well- being of our children. They would be devastated, to say the least. But, if I go dark, again, she has all the benefits, i.e. a roof over her head, a car to drive, my income, without the costs. Its hopeless.