NP, but please, I love your gratitude, but remember I am a peer, not an expert. lol.
I don't know, go dark to the best of my ability. My emotions are so caught up in this that I'm losing sight of who I am. Maybe if she sees that she can't continue to come home and glean whatever emotion she can from me, then maybe it will serve as a wake up call. Its a risk, I know, but at this point, for my well being, its a risk that I must take.
In my mind, this is where I think I differ with your ideas. From her perspective, what has she done to make you "go dark"? Sure, she knows she's still telling lies, but maybe she justifies it in her mind as protecting you from her confusion, I don't know. What I am saying is that in her mind, you guys are reconciling, right? If you go dark, might that be confusing? I think you may be thinking that confusion would be good for her right now, but I don't know if it would. Maybe direct communication is in order here. Look, I am in uncharted territory with this. I am so embroiled in the part where the WAS wants nothing to do with us, I don't know much about what to do when they do again. All I can say is looking at where you are at, you are looking to build something better than you had before, right? R talks are a no-no when DBing, but are you really still doing that per-se? If she is still unwilling to talk about these things with you, then maybe you need to try a different approach. Really, I think you are by taking the initiative in validating things you think she may be feeling. Sure you are assuming some things, but maybe, just this once, it's ok. What I think may need to happen is for her to admit to some of these things you suspect and for you not to jump on her about it. Validation, empathy, remeber? If she felt comfortable expressing some of this to you, maybe the rest would be revealed and you could show her that you can be a partner in working through it, not the enemy. Look at pregnantandDBing's sitch and how hard she had to swallow to get her husband to admit the pregnancy of the OW. Now he is back with her and they stand together in the face of a problem we could only imagine in our worst nightmares. Rob, the most important thing to realize now, as far as I can see, is that you major issue is that she is not living up to your expectations of her right now. Do you see a problem with that?
