Well, here it is another Thursday and, of course, I'm in a funk. Well, I shouldn't say funk because its not that exactly. I can't explain it. I'm emotionally checked out today. I'm done with the lies, betrayal heartache. At least I'm pretty sure of it. Just too many things to deal with and quite frankly, I don't want, need or deserve it.
I guess I should explain, bascially I took my W at her word a couple of weeks ago when she told me that A)this is what she wanted B) that this was her life C) that she was sorry D) that she was asking for fogiveness and E) that she made a mistake, she couldn't change the past but promised it would never happen again.
Well, guess what. That's not the case. I think at least A wasn't a lie. I believe she does love me, in whatever way she can at this point. I think yeah, she does want her life back, but can't shake the feelings or whatever. The point is, after all that wonderful talk, she hasn't quit. Yeah, I snooped. Shouldn't have, but what can I say. I was good for awhile, but her behavior tipped me off to something. Strangely, I thought I would be a lot madder, more upset, but I'm not.
So, I guess it is time to honestly detach myself as much as possible. I'm tired of living a lie-she has made this bed, she can lie in it. Perhaps she will be happier, perhaps I will be. I don't know. But pretending that everything is ok just isn't working for me! That doesn't mean that DBing isn't the key, maybe it is....maybe I'm not just employing the principles correctly or giving enough time. She's set me up for this failure to many times.
We'll see what the rest of the day brings, I haven't made any rash decision or choices, I broached the subject with her this morning, but left it hanging because neither one of us really wanted to talk about it.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
