Dear PArob,

I promise not to pick your brain on a daily basis , but would appreciate the opportunity to check in every once and awhile to get your opinion 'from the other side'.

I must tell you, though, that I'm not judging your conduct -it seems as though you kind of felt bad and thought it necessary to point out your "awfulness" in the last post. I'm just appreciative of your openess and hope that I can learn a bit in order to help me, my H (as far as that goes) and my M.

Anyway, I'm trying to see my sitch this way (in my hopeful state): if -and this is not entirely clear to me yet- if my H is in MLC then I am able to equate it to a period of major depression I experienced in the early years of our marriage. In fact, maybe it was my own MLC. In any event, I was so angry at my H, could hardly control my anxiety, and blamed him for my unhappiness. He wasn't equipped to deal with it, but did his best until I discovered what was wrong and dealt with it (love those meds!). Maybe by looking at his MLC being somewhat like my depression episode will be both helpful in detaching and enable me to be more compassionate towards him. So....I'm not judging what you went thru...I did plenty of damage in my depressive state to my marriage.

So...my H has 99% detachment from me, had an A with OW, and has no interest in getting back together. Why? Well, I'm the depressed, unhappy, unfufilled wife and he continues to see me as some albatross around his neck. I can understand this. What is difficult is to deal lovingly with his VERY difficult behavior towards me. I'm hopeful by what you said about the OW spark dying and your realization somewhere along the way that you really wanted your W in your life. I have no idea when, how, or if my H will every feel that way again. We are separating. He will continue (at this point) to look for that magic bullet relationship he believes is out there -no conflicts, minimal emotional communication, the idea that if relationships are 'meant to be' they magically and organically FLOW...yes, we would all like that but this is not waht a mature relationship is about. I guess I'll tough it out...but he's a hard, proud man and I don't know...sometimes I feel like I'll break against him...

thanks for letting me vent...I'll keep an eye out for your posts in general...and good luck and blessings to you and your wife.

Love,
Kaly