At a turning point

[PArob]

Kaly,

What do you think your situation would have been had you continued to work in the same place as the OW? Do you really think you could have gone back to your W completely with her still around? Please give your true opinion about this.

I struggle with this to this day for a variety of reasons. One, because my W works in the same place as OM everyday. Two, because I'm not sure. Honestly, I believe so. You have to understand, my memory on this stuff can be hazy (strange, like living in a fog) but if I recall, by the time OW had transferred, I had mostly gotten over those feelings. I did not have the need to see her, I avoided her the best I could. I did not initiate contact. That is not to say that she didn't contact me, because she did, on occassion. I took some of those calls, but kept them very even-keeled. But we also worked in separate parts of the building. She just couldn't come waltzing down here and I didn't go up there. So honestly, I don't know. I know I had to avoid her if I had an honest chance, but could it work if I saw her every day? You know, I think I have to say yes. Once the spark dies, it dies.

He is so out of touch with his emotions, it's hard to talk with him. You have been so forthwright in this forum...were you a 'closed book' to your wife like my H is?

You don't even know the half of it. I rememer the weeks leading up to the day she found out, I was downright cold and rude. I remember her begging to know what was wrong, I would tell her nothing and she would keep at it. One night, we got into it for like the hundredth time....she was on and on. I didn't want anything to do with it. I said "I'm going next door to hang out, you can either come with me or not. Your choice." Now think about this...I never, even once left her hanging in an argument like this. At that point, I could care less. So yes, i was completely emotionally detached from her. I was cold. She attended several family b-day parties and the like by herself and our children because I didn't want to go (obstensibly because I was working very hard on fixing things around the house, but mainly because I just wanted her to go!)

And yes, at one point, my W laid it out and said she was leaving. I didn't try to stop her, I sat on the living room floor and played Playsation, she was only gone for a few hours, yet I was sad and also a little relieved at the time. Even when she did go away for the weekends, I didn't miss her. At times I secretly wished that she would either leave me so I wouldn't have to leave her or find someone else so I wouldn't feel guilty.

This is brutal honesty. Sorry, but I guess its like an episode of talking tough. See the full range of my emotions? See how horribly I treated her? And yet, in the end, thanks to her allowing me to give her a chance, I did come back.