I really wish I could trust her, I really wish I had faith in her committment to be with me. But I can't at this point. However, I will try to stop and focus on what good I do have. She is with me, as far as I know, she hasn't been with OM for a while, she still says ILY, we are still intimate, she still loves me.
What is wrong with me??????
Ok Rob, I am not doing well myself right now, but I need to slap you. Guy, you are screwing this up. If you have not already, go to this thread:
Someone in a thread I read lately said that the best way to get good advice is to find someone who's successful at what you are trying to do and ask them. I have found it VERY helpful to read some of the success stories instead of our threads that are all going who-knows-where. I am reading a thread by Optimust that I am about 1/2 way through. He is just getting to the point where he (oh God, this sounds like I am recapping a soap opera) is understanding his lack of control over his W and his need to detach, etc. There is a lot of good stuff to read there. Anyway, I don't mean to sound harsh, but you HAVE to understand where you are right now. I am in a place where my W want's nothing to do with me or our R. YOU are in a place where your W is with you and says she wants to work on the M. WHO KNOWS if she's telling the truth. You CAN'T just trust her, which is why you need to DB harder than ever. As much as I have questioned the DB principals of late, I really believe in YOUR situation, they are totally appropriate. You HAVE to find a way to NOT care about the potential OM or A. In time, she may come clean, but for right now, for any number of reasons, which may be a far cry from her hiding an A from you (i.e. she doesn't want to stall the progress in your R, she doesn't want to hurt you by telling you ANYTHING about the OM, etc.). I just hate to see you getting the validation I would LOVE to get from my W and throw it away because you are still stuck on finding out just what you W is thinking or doing all the time. Trust is earned, but at some point we all take a leap of pure faith to enter into trust with our mate. We will never know everything about them, their past, or the way they think. We just know that we are comfortable placing our most protected feelings in their care. Are you comfortable doing that right now? I think you are not. Is that normal? I think it is, so, what are you left with? Detachment, self maintenance, observation (read: NOT SNOOPING) and unconditional love. Man, you need to just DO IT. I feel like Leia telling Obiwan that you're the only hope...you are not, but I am SO pulling for you. I feel like I will do anything to help you succeed, even if it's for selfish reasons (so I have hope for my sitch). You are a friend, and I really think you have a shot at this. Please, do what you need to do for your sake. It's hard, but you must.
