Quote: Again, is it emotional detachment or just resignation. I have my doubts about the former.
Rob,
I think it is a little of both. My thoughts of late center around the idea of "is it DBing that is working or is it just time?" that I read on someone's thread somewhere. That is similar to your question. I think time is allowing you to heal yourself, AND the effort you are putting into detachment is helping too. Detachment for me was kinda like a switch being thrown. I found that as soon as I got the idea about it that made total sense to me (thanks NYS) it was like being blind one day and seeing the next. I will never forget what it is like to be blind, and when I close my eyes, sometimes I fear they will never open again, but most of the time I am just happy to be able to see. It really is like that for me. I don't know if that's normal. For you, you just need to realize that you are where Tim was a few months ago. Your W has said all the right things but you NEED to continue to grow and change yourself so that the old patterns don't return. If she is doing something behind your back now, you cannot dwell on that. Heal yourself. Insulate yourself by trying to find that switch in you that turns on your personal vision of your life, lets you see what YOU want, even if it's what you want in this marriage. I cry all the time still. I don't know when that will stop but I find myself crying over my own feelings of loss and loneliness rather than something my W just said or did. It was not always that way. I used to do both. Truly, I have the same questions you have all the time. You've read that in my thread. I don't know if this switch is something that once turned on, won't simply turn off again. I am afraid of that minute by minute but I am doing my best. You are facing tests. I am going to face tests. Our W's are going to try to find that switch and destroy it. That we can be sure of, whether it's out of love or hate, on purpose, or on accident. They will test our ability to be ourselves in the face of a combined history and emotional bond that is daunting in it's power. You just have to know that and be ready to face it. You can do it. You are getting stronger, so am I. Work for the goal. Be a better man, and with any luck at all, your W will be a better woman at the same, exact time.
