Quote: How can I be detached and yet striving to fulfill her emotional needs at the same time? Is it possible?
Ok NYS, please do your thing so I don't have to quote you on this...lol.
First of all, glad to have you back. Not that it's good you're still having issues but...
If you have been keeping up with my thread, you know this detachment thing is my major focus right now. NYS has been a HUGE help in that, as has reading the Four Agreements. To me, it seems not only possible to detach and still fulfill emotional needs, but in some ways easier. I am one who easily gets pulled down by my W's negative emotions to the point that I am so bad I can't support her. I think it's one of the main issues that plagues our marriage. If she was crying, I just got really upset and instead of validating, I would do ANYTHING to get her to stop just so I could not be upset anymore. It was a really uncaring thing to do. Now, I feel more at ease with her emotional swings and can better maintain my calm and support her, as much as she will allow, through whatever she's going through.
I think where you are at is really exciting. Just don't fall into the trap of expectation. Hear what she says. Watch what she does, and accept it. Keep working yourself, "getting centered" and keep us posted. Again, nice to see you again!
