At a turning point

[PArob]

Its been awhile since I posted, but in the meantime, I have been following the various situations here and am exceptionally pleased to follow TMU’s, err, grasshoppers journey to an emotional center. GH, you have come such a long way and I applaud you. Overall, the comments of everyone here have been very insightful and continue to learn everyday. That being said, since my last post, I’ve been trying to find that emotional center and learn to love myself. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can yet claim to have found it, but my journey is only just begun.

Since my last post things have been going fairly well with my sitch. My W continues to express a desire to work through all of this and has made it known to me that being with me is where she wants to be. That feels really good in a lot of ways, but yet I don’t as though the ordeal is over, but has yet just begun. I struggle with a mixed bag of emotions and really am not so sure what to make of some things. As a result, I guess I’m just looking for a third party opinion to slap me back into place.

NYS, you’re posts are so insightful. To me, it seems as though you have journeyed very far on the path to detaching and strengthening your internal “locus of control” so to speak. In sharing your thoughts, I learn so much, but recognize that I have so much work to do. To now, I have paid lip-service to detachment, but haven’t really put those principles into action for the most part, although I do believe that I have made some progress in the last month because I can at least identify when my moods are a result of her actions or words and make an attempt to separate myself from them. I’m not always successful and indeed there are times when despite my best efforts, I still react, but it definitely is not at the same level that it was two or three months ago.

As an example of where things have been going since my last post, here is an actual quote from a letter that she wrote me last weekend:

PLEASE know that I love you so very much and I am so VERY sorry about everything, more than I can express. I want my life back. Please know I am trying to move on with all I got. I hope you can be patient and wait for me. This is where I want to be. Please know this. YOU are my life I KNOW THAT. I NEED to work out my emotions and I WILL. I LOVE YOU.

Yet, despite my W’s intentions and expressed desire to be with me, I still question whether she has had the required “self-reflection” to determine whether this is who she really is or whether she is determined to make it work out of fear, guilt, etc. The point being, I wonder where I need to go from here. I still believe that I need to emotionally detach for a variety of reasons, most importantly because I recognize that I have been overly dependent upon my relationship with my W and as a result, still find my emotions and feelings reacting to her emotions, moods and feelings. Secondly, she still works with OM and has acknowledged to me that she has to deal with her emotions for him which leads me to believe that a backslide could occur at any moment.


I guess I’m really confused as to where I go from here. I want to acknowledge that somewhere in our life prior to this, I wasn’t fulfilling her emotional needs and I want to find out what those needs where so I can address them now. But I don’t know how to approach any of this. How can I be detached and yet striving to fulfill her emotional needs at the same time? Is it possible?

Sorry for the rant, but I’m just looking for some insight at this point and given the wisdom of the various posters on this board, I felt secure in coming here for it. Thanks much.