Moving on II

[kaydeekay]

Thanks KDU.

H is back in the home (returned on Tuesday). My feelings are really not there for him anymore. H dropped his things off Tuesday morning before I left for work. I had totally redone my bedroom (new bed and new furniture). I showed H and he was actually surprised by it. H starts kissing me and starts to initates sex. I told him that I didn't want to because I don't know who he's been with. H swore up and down he hadn't been with nobody. Anyway, ending up doing the deed. That night H washed his clothes and accidently washed his cell phone and ruined it. For some reason I decided to check his messages and there was a message from some other woman and she really wanted to reach him. I told H that I checked his messages on his cell phone and confronted H about the message (I figured what the hell, I have nothing to lose). H listen to the message and told me all about this person. H said she wasn't someone he dated or anything. He hung out with her a few times and met her 2 daughters. H said she began to creep him out because immediately she told him she loved him. H told her that she didn't even know him and that he was not ready to get into a relationship. H swore to God that nothing happened between the two of them. H said he avoids her calls and will not call her.

H then begins to tell me that the OW is no longer in the picture. He has not talked with her in a month. H told her that he didn't care what happens to her or who she sees. She can ruin somebody else's life. H said that he didn't like the person he was when he was with her but he didn't see that at the time. H told me that he cares a lot for me. I asked H why he was here (I know why because he needs temporary housing but I wanted to hear it from him) in the home and why did he have sex with me that morning. H kinda got tiffed and said "I never said we were back together." I replied, "I know, I'm the one that wants to go through with the divorce." H kinda got a hurt look on his face and said "I wanted to be with you this morning because I knew it would feel good, that's why" and he left the room.

H returned to the room and I told him that I still loved him and that I'm still a little in love with him but I needed to move on with my life and the only way is to divorce him. H didn't really say anything but sat there looking at the TV. I asked him if he understood what I meant. He said he did. I told him that I was tired of this back and forth and I couldn't do it anymore. H asked if I'm interested in anyone else right now. I told him that I wasn't (which is true) but I can not move pass the point that I'm at right now to meet someone unless I'm divorced. H said he knows that he has ruined things.

Earlier that day H told me he would give me $$$ from his tax return when it comes in. At first I agreed but after our convo I told him that I wouldn't accept it because he would need all the money he can get in order to get his own place. H was very adamant that I take the money.

H has slept with me these past 2 nights (I think it's probably of the new comfy bed I bought). This morning as he was getting dressed for work I asked him if he was tired of living out of his little bag of toiletries. He said he was and I replied "Well once you get your own place you will have your own bathroom, your own bedroom, your own living room. You will be free to do whatever you want." H didn't reply to this.

I've been voicing myself more and more about how he will need to get his own place, with no replies from him. I've also stopped doing little things for him. This morning he asked me for a few dollars and I told him that I didn't have any money (of course I did, just got paid yesterday). H just grunted because he knew I had money and that I wasn't going to give him any.

I find myself becoming more and more the person I was when I met him. I was much more independent and really didn't give a sh!t if he and I hooked up; this made him pursue me more.