Thanks hope- I have tried to visualize me getting my own apartment and setting it up how i want it. Its strange, though, b/c i have never lived on my own before. Having to be responsible for all of the finances is going to take some getting used to.
I just feel like my H is accelerating this whole thing. I know i focus way too much on what he says and does...and i should stop. Its just very confusing for me (like that phone call from last sunday night).
I might see him tomorrow...visiting day. We'll see what happens. It seems like, sometimes, when he starts to get close to me, he does something to really pull away.
I thought of something before, after reading that link that NYS posted to you...is it possible that, subconsciously, our H's are detaching from us?
Thank you for your kind words. I am just feeling very desperate tonight and i am scared.
I know; I am scared, too. Sometimes I still backslide all the way to being shocked and I can't believe this is my life right now.
I think our H's had to detach long ago. In my case, in order for H. to have an affair and keep it going, and all the horrible lying (I think back to July '05; worst month of my LIFE) and there is no way he could behave that way unless he had already detached from me. And even after doing so, I think he was still ridden with guilt, as he should be.
Be careful if you do decide to go into the city tomorrow...that's when the storm is coming!
Last edited by hopefloats7; 02/11/0602:09 AM.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hi lmdi I totally understand why you are so upset about the house, as it has become meshed in your mind with the D...however, it could be possible that a change like that is what your sich needs. Maybe you guys have become sorta stuck in a cycle, and rather than seeing the sale of the house as an ending, try to look at it as a change that could inadvertantly open up a new door or two. I am beginning to think that the WASs, particularly ones who are as confused as my H and yours seem, almost become comfortable in their confusion. Have you tried any 180s lately? I know you feel you should be supportive b/c he felt you weren't in your marriage, but in reading over the Divorce Remedy again today, it seems that sometimes the thing to do is EXACTLY what goes against what you feel naturally. I personally have decided to cut my H off sexually, and possibly even in terms of a friendship (not to be nasty, just perhaps not very available) because I have begun to feel like I am enabling him to stay in his own limbo, which I am in turn stuck in as well. Have you been open to him in your wanting to keep the house all along? If so, perhaps you beginning to act either indifferant or even supportive of his desire to sell could be the answer. I notice that you tend to use words with him alot, which is what I do as well, and it seems to always backfire in my case. The actions speak louder than words cliche may ring true here. I have also heard that when we let them go, only then can they return. If you were to start seeing the sale of the house in a more positive light, it may feel more like you are not holding on, and that may be what your H needs to wake up and realize that he is making a huge mistake, and that he doesn't want to lose you for good. Did this post make sense? Cuz it does in my head but it is hard to put into words. My own confusion seeps in. But you WILL be ok, no matter what. Try to believe that your life will be good again, no matter what the outcome may be. Fate will bring you where you need to be. (God I feel hypocritical saying that, I DO mean it, but I know it is much easier to say to someone else than to take it into your own heart!!) Take Care!!
