Having a very hard time tonight...i just don't know what to do, where to go from here. Believe me, i am trying to do some positive self-talk (i.e. i will get through this, etc.). But, i am not being very successful. I just feel very empty. I will admit that i am focusing too much on my house going up for sale. I guess it is making me feel like i will be homeless. Once it is gone, there will be no opportunity for my H and i to "run into each other." We will have no financial ties to each other anymore, no real reason to remain in contact. I guess i am just sensing that the end is near and i am frightened. I don't remember ever feeling so lonely in my whole life, and it is horrible. B/c i never thought i would ever feel this way.
I keep thinking about what i am supposed to do with pictures of us, things from our wedding, my engagement and wedding bands. I can't even look at those. God, this is horrible. Yes, i am feeling sorry for myself. And i am causing myself all of this pain. I just don't know how to stop thinking about it. It is all consuming. Yes, if i GAL, then it won't be. But, damnit, i don't have the energy or desire to GAL. I just wish this hollow, empty feeling would go away. This is so bad for me. I'm really struggling. And i just wish it could stop.
