Here's my brief update for today, before i leave work to go to the doctor...
H called about a half hour ago...just chatted a bit. He told me he had a horrible night last night...couldn't sleep. I asked him why he didn't call me...he said he didn't want to upset me anymore than i already was. I told him that i appreciated that, but that if he was struggling with something, then i wanted to be there for him, so he wouldn't have to deal with it alone. I told him i appreciated him trying to protect me, but that i thought it was okay for us to be able to comfort each other. We talked about some other stuff. Then he proceeded to tell me how the first open house will be on February 26th (that was quick) and how he doesn't want the cats there and what are we going to do, etc. He quickly got off the phone. He called back a few minutes later to tell me that he had noticed that there was no date on our interspousal agreement and asked if i remembered when it was signed. I told him when we signed it and asked him if it mattered if there was a date on it...he said he didn't know. That was it, basically. I don't remember exactly what the agreement says (i haven't read it since November), but i think it says that at the time of the agreement we had been separated for a year. So, maybe he wants that documentation for when he files for D...if he does it in May, then there is proof that we have been separated for 18 months. Of course, i could just be reading more into it...i don't know.
How do you ever get over the pain and the sense of loss? I don't think i can do it. And why does he send me such mixed messages? Yes, i know he has to back up his words with actions, and sometimes his actions are just as confusing. Like, when we see each other, he will initiate a hug and a kiss hello, as well as a hug and a kiss goodbye. God, i hate this...i honestly don't think i will get through this.
