I don't know what my problem is...I avoid confrontation at all costs.
That sounds like a problem.
And anytime I try to stand up to him, he twists and turns it and holds me down.
That suggests controlling behaviors on his part.
He got all mad about god knows what.
He wasn't getting his way so he stepped up ugly behavior to intimidate you.
He knows exactly which buttons of mine to push in order to get his way.
You have to learn how to cut those buttons off within yourself so as not to react. That's detachment.
The thing is, I don't know how to separate my life from his. Yes, its my life. But, how can I really move on when my life is tied to this man?
Your life isn't tied to him. It wasn't tied to him before you met him, and it isn't to him now. That's obvious, as he's going about without being tied to you.
An example of you tieing yourself into him is how you are thinking, "but if we don't divorce then as far as the house goes..." where you may be better served thinking "OK, if we end up selling the house then I..." Another example is in thinking, "but back in September, he said..." and expecting him to keep what he said constant to serve as a basis for your decisions now.
The key is to simply and purposefully engage your life to yourself, not on what others think/do/say/ or might think/do/say. Go after your own pursuits, build your social network, live your own life as if he's not a part of it.
You don't lose anything, but you'll gain a lot. I say you don't lose anything, except for the heartaches. As my lawyer told me when I signed the divorce papers... he looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry your wife couldn't find her way back to you. But I want you to know that there's nothing in these papers that can't be reversed."
