Nothing too exciting to report... H called last night about 9pm. He wasn't feeling well. We chatted for a bit...the usual BS, laughing, etc. He asked me if i had gone to C...told him yes, and that i had also gotten my stitches out. He said, "oh, you didn't tell me." I told him i forgot. Told him a story about something that happened at the doctor (basically, the girl who took out my stitches was a moron). He said "see, thats why i have to go with you." Ummm, huh? Nothing else to significant...inside jokes, that kind of stuff. But, it was nice to talk to him. But, i am scared. Every time we have these good interactions, i get my hopes up. And then, he'll call and talk about moving forward with the D, and then i just feel worse. How do i not do that? B/c i know if he calls me and says something about the D, i will just get upset and fall back into the depression that i was in a while ago. I don't know. I will see him on Thursday...we are bringing kitties to the vet. I guess it will be interesting to see what happens that night. Other than that, things are quiet here. And i have to say, that's a good thing!
No contact with H yesterday. Did speak to my brother, who gave me an earful. It only served to upset me, and then i talked to my aunt. Basically, i feel like people in my family are not supporting the choice that i am making to stick it out. And they are not respecting this decision. And it is so frustrating. My brother was saying how my H is doing this and that, and that i should do this and that. And frankly, i want everybody to stop treating me like i am 12. I am 32 years old for god's sake. And i know what i am doing. I don't know why they can't get that through their heads. Yes, i know that they are upset b/c i am hurting. But, when are they going to realize that their disapproval of what i am doing only hurts me more, and causes me to retreat from them more? God, this is hard enough without having to justify my choices to anybody. I just wish they would give me some credit, that i know what i am doing and that i am not an idiot or emotional cripple!
H called me today...first on my cell, and then at work. I was having a terrible day, and when i called him back, i had just had a 2 year old pee all over me...needless to say, i was at my wit's end. So, when i called him, i told him that i was having a really bad day and asked him if he was going to tell me something bad, b/c if he was i couldn't handle it at that time. He said no, that he had just called to arrange the visit to the vet for tomorrow. What a relief. We talked a bit...then i had to go...so, i actually got off the phone with him...thats a first! Anyway, he sounded okay. I am just hoping that nothing comes up tomorrow night. He asked me to get to the house at 6:30 (our appointment is for 7:30) so i hope he is not going to spring something on me. It takes a while to get our cats in their carriers, so that is why he suggested 6:30 - i hope thats all it is.
I keep trying to tell myself that he is going to go through with the D...well, trying to convince myself of that, after everything he has said. But, then i think of PandDBing, and i remember the things her H said and did before he decided to reconcile, and i have hope that my H could turn around. I am just hoping that he does. I am not sure how much more of this i can take.
Your family just doesn't want to see you hurt. I know it's hard but don't let it bother you. I have begun screening what I tell my family. A good friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend and told her parents all the mean, horrible things he'd done. Then when they got back together and eventually married it was hard for her parents to forgive him.
Be glad your H is calling you. Mine won't return any of my calls and goes out drinking to avoid me. Getting ready an hour before the vet doesn't sound like that much time, particularly if you have to hunt the cats down like I do. How is it that cats always know?
I know things may not seem to be moving forward, but I must say you seem to have a lot of contact with your H--you see him every week and talk regularly. I doubt he'd bother if he didn't want to contact you.
Thanks for responding SS - i know you are having a rough time right now, so i appreciate your feedback.
H just called again. But, i was thinking about something. I don't want to lose my H, not b/c i don't want to be alone, but b/c i want him in my life. But, i think another factor in fighting for him is that i don't want ow to have him. I feel like she would be getting my life (him, our stuff, his family), and that REALLY pisses me off. I don't know if that is a bad thing, but it is the truth. I must admit, that i do want to win him back...not as a game, but b/c he is MY H...not hers. And she should just get the hell out of our lives, and continue to screw up her own. It wasn't enough that she broke up her family...she had to go screw with mine too? Damn her.
Yes, i know it isn't about her and that i can't focus on her. And she isn't married to me, my H is, so i should expect nothing from her. But, i am just pissed off right now...and, i am blaming her.
I'm pissed off at my H's two OW too but I know in the end he's going to get tired of them and dump them on their butts. (It happened to his girlfriend before me and it happened to OW#1 so it must be a matter of time before he does it to OW#2.) That's the only thing that keeps me sane. I've realized probably too late that my H has a bit of a pattern of getting attached to women at work (yes I worked with my H at one point) and then once he has them completely he dumps them on their asses. I guess I just took longer than the others so he had to marry me.
I've realized probably too late that my H has a bit of a pattern of getting attached to women at work (yes I worked with my H at one point)
Me too...there are at least 3 of us that my H has been serious with (his 1st wife, me and now the beast...sorry, ow). Amazing isn't it? Unfortunately, my H is in a field that is predominantly women...what luck!
I wanted to tell you that there is nothing abnormal about the way you feel. I totally understand the yearning to want to have H. come back and not let o.w. "win", and have your life. I feel the same way at times. But I can tell you in my case, I know H's family really, really loves me alot and some of them are very angry with H. at what he has done to me. So even if he brings o.w. into the fold someday, I don't see her being welcomed with open arms the way I always have been. And so it would be in your case, too, I am sure. I'm going to sound like a broken record here but don't focus so much on o.w. ok? I will try to not do it, too. We are always in this together, you know? And look at it this way---even if we never get back with our H's and they make a life with o.w., she is not getting the wonderful version that we married, only a shadow of the former man.
Hugs to you.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Quote: And look at it this way---even if we never get back with our H's and they make a life with o.w., she is not getting the wonderful version that we married, only a shadow of the former man.
Nothing new to report today. No contact last night from H. We are taking the cats to the vet tonight, so I'll see how that goes. Believe it or not, this is the first time in a long time that i am not looking forward to seeing my H. I hope that is just nerves, and not some sense that i am in for a bad night.
I thought a lot about the phone call my H made to me on Sunday night. It is so strange. First, the "hi lovie" and then him saying he misses me, etc. What is up with that? I know i shouldn't get my hopes up, but do you think it is good that he is verbalizing missing me? Of course, i am going on the premise that he was telling the truth...but why lie about it, in the middle of the night? I just never know what to make of these phone calls. I will be happy tonight, no R talk. I will make sure that i look extra good. Other than that, there isn't much else to do, i don't think. I just can't imagine that my H will make a total break from me, and be comfortable with that decision...its just not him. But, then again, nothing he has been doing is him. I read one of my horoscopes today, and it said something about the person i am with is not the same, sweet person i knew, and that there had been an abduction, but that everything would fall into place. Weird huh?
Okay, enough boredom for today. Hope everyone is having a good day.
Hope - if you see this...time for you to start a new thread! And, i am anxiously waiting last night's update.
