I hated being lied to most and felt humiliated that I was the last to know. Knowing what he's up to hurts but at least I feel a little more in control. Oh gosh, I SO know what you mean. The lying was the worst part; the denial, being the last to know. I am so glad that I am past that awful point. Imdi, it is true, it hurts to find out what's really happening, but you do stop the insanity that you go through constantly wondering if there is o.w. involved. And eventually you do feel a bit more control; at least you finally know. In your case, because your H. is projecting like this and using it as a reason to not reconcile, I think I would take P&DB'ing's advice and do what you need to do. You just cannot let him blame you for what HE is doing. You didn't even have an affair; all you did was talk to a friend that happened to be a guy! Sorry; I'm just being a bit protective of you, my friend. Hugs and goodnight, Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
