My betrayal (i will try to keep it short). When my H and I first separated in 11/04, it was a therapeutic separation - we were in MC and dating. At this point, i suspected an ow, but he denied it, so i took a leap of faith. The beginning of our separation was very difficult. As the holidays approached, it became harder. We always had a big xmas eve dinner at our house and that year, he decided to do it, despite me not living there. That was very hurtful. A few days after xmas, he told me he was going away to Vermont with his cousin who was visiting for New Years. I did not believe this - i thought he was with ow. He left on a Thursday - i called him about 20 times that day - his cell phone was off. The next day was New Years Eve and i had plans to go to a bar with a group of friends. He did call me on Friday - we spoke. I went out that night and it was very hard, b/c i really didn't want to be there. At midnight, after the ball dropped, i started to cry and went outside, where i tried to call my H - his phone was off. This of course made it worse. At that time, one the guys in the group came outside and asked what was wrong. I told him. We talked a bit that night, about my sitch. He gave me his # and told me to call him if i ever wanted to talk (he and his fiancee had broken up a few weeks before). The next morning my H called me and said he didn't want us to be apart anymore. So, he wanted to really work on the M. I was still suspicious of his R with this other woman and i was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I did talk to this other guy once or twice after that. Then, one weekend, my friend (from New Years Eve) was planning a dinner for her fiancee's b-day. It was the same night (friday) that my H and I had a date planned. I asked my H if we could re-schedule - he said okay. Then, i changed my mind and decided it wasn't worth it. That same night (thursday), i went to dinner with my sisters in law (H's sister and H's brother's wife). At dinner, my friend called and said she was going to have people over on Saturday night, if i wanted to come by. I asked her if that guy was going to be there...she said she didn't know. I told her i would let her know. Unbeknownest to me, my sisters in law reported back to my H about my phone call, as they suspected i was having an A. My H asked me about it the next night (friday) - i told him it was nothing. The next day, my H called me and asked me if there was anything i wanted to tell him, like if i had been talking to someone on the phone. I told him yes - he flipped out and said he was D me. He had paid someone to get my cell phone records and saw the calls on my phone to this guy. After a very rough week or two, we worked things out, and he decided he wanted to give us a chance. He had stopped going to C with me, but then decided to go back. We were dating, had gone away a few times, and had a trip planned for June, at which time we were going to start trying to have a family. Things seemed good between us. We decided i would move home. The day i moved home, he started acting weird and said he didn't know what was wrong. He moved out about a week later. A few weeks after that, he told me that he hadn't forgiven me for what i did. He said he felt like fool - that i had been lying to him for weeks, while we sat in C, with me crying saying i wanted another chance. He says this is the reason that we can't reconcile b/c he can't forgive me. Now, i understand how he is hurt by this. And i am sure he suspects more happened than what did (there was NO physical interaction b/w us at all). He says the worst part was the fact that i sat in C with him, while i was making plans to see this other guy (not exactly the truth, but okay) and that i tried to break plans with him, and then was so brazen as to talk about it in front of his sister. And i totally understand this...i tried to put myself in his sitch and i would be hurt too. I get frustrated b/c i really don't think it is something to end a M over. And, of course, i think that he is just blaming me in order to take the focus off himself for what he did/is doing. I guess i don't understand how he was able to put it behind us right after it happened. He said he does try to forget it, but he can't put it behind us. So, that's the story. It was longer than i thought - sorry. I am not so naive as to really believe this is the only reason for the D. I just don't know why he didn't do it a year ago, right after it happened.
