Just thinking of you... and wanted to add my two cents (which you know, is worth about two cents).
Quote: But, then i think, wait, he told me last weekend that he loved me. Does that mean anything? I hate even questioning the sincerity of that from him...i NEVER did that before...never had to. I just feel like i don't even know what is real anymore.
I think this is totally normal... your trust, your faith, your ideas of what is right and wrong and real and true have all been tested so much in the last few months. You just have to "dig deep" -- you can believe whatever you want to believe... but remember that you have to take everything he says or does at face value. You can't read into it and most importantly, you can ride the roller coaster with it... take the highs as highs and lows and lows but don't let it hurt you... Does that make sense.
you're so entitled to sadness and madness... the secret is, don't let it take over you. find other things to do, think about, see... i know it sounds ridiculous... but i'm telling you it works and it helps. i didn't spend one second this weekend thinking about the @ss or the twit... and i had a blast... i got home last night... didn't think about him.. even had to start telling some of my family today... and i didn't get mad. i didn't believe that it would get easier or better, but i'm starting too... and that doesn't mean that you have to give up on your marriage... i know it may seem "easier" because i am accepting the end of mine... but it's really the same thing, if you can bring yourself to go out and face the world and face the possibility of it all -- it's damn liberating... and you'll figure out how wonderful you are, how beautiful you are, how smart you are, and how other people want to be around you. And, if he's lucky, so will he.
Is that too much for a Monday night.
Wish I could give you a hug. Instead, I'll send you one: HUUUUUUGGGGG.
