First a hug, because you are so blue. Second, I'm sorry you may not make it to brunch because you have your visit that day. It would be so great to meet you. I think I know what is happening to you and I have a suggestion although it is probably something you don't want to hear. Do you have to make these weekly visits to your house? If you do, is it possible that you stop going over there when you know your H. is home? I think the constant seeing him followed by a week of phone tag is doing a big number on you. When my H. stopped coming by as often, at first I was broken. I felt shattered inside, like I knew I'd really lost him for good. I am sure my posts reflected this. But gradually I have started to heal inside very slowly, and now I find myself not even wanting to see him. [I actually avoided coming home tonight because I thought he might stop over to get his mail.] I think you have to break this cycle. It is not doing you any good. I know you have your kitties to consider, and believe me you are speaking to the world's biggest animal lover right here. I know how much you miss them. You should still see them, but I would change it up and go if you know your H. will not be there. You need to see him LESS, believe it or not. Once you do that, you will get some of your strength back, I promise you. But you have to get over the initial hump which is very painful because you're forcing yourself to let go. Post back and let me know how you feel about this, ok? I am honestly just trying to help you in any way I can. I never would have wanted to avoid my H., but he forced me into this position when he chose to stop coming by, and I've felt a difference for the better about myself as time has gone on. I will check back later to see what you think. Still try to come Sunday if you can!!!!!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
