H called yesterday afternoon to see how i was feeling. Brief convo, but okay. He called again last evening on his way to a meeting...we chatted a bit. I told him i was in pain from my "surgery"....he asked if i needed ice cream...i told him no, that i needed coffee and rice krispie treat from starbucks (this is a thing for us)...he said, okay, if i don't get out of my meeting late. So he called a little while later and we met for coffee. Spent about an hour together...it was nice. No R talk...just BSed and laughed. It was nice to see him. But, its so hard to see him. B/c i make more out of these get togethers than he does, i am sure. Does he think they are anything other than coffee? I don't know. Sometimes, i think he is putting me through a test. Long story why, but thats what i think sometimes. I don't know. He is just so odd...and hard to figure out. I hate not trusting him...thats the hardest thing in the world...questioning everything he does. At least if he was honest about ow, it would hurt, but then he wouldn't have to lie. I'm exhausted. And i'm sick. And i can't take it anymore. But, i won't make the decision to pull the plug. God, i wish i was stronger.
