Hey GH- I appreciate your feedback over on my sitch. I am having a hard time keeping up with yours...sorry. But, i will jump in on the meds issue, as i have some experience with this. One of the things that has been pretty stable throughout all of this for me is my anxiety. It comes and goes, but it is there. I have been up all night, woken up at ungodly hours, all the while having nauseating thoughts of my H and ow. The anxiety it caused sent me through the roof. I try self-talk, which does help. But, i would say that if your anxiety is seriously interfering in your day to day functioning, then meds would certainly help. Something like Xanax does not need to be taken every day (i think..i hope...i take it periodically) and it does take the edge off. I always take it before i get on a plane, and before long i am drooling (hmm, that's an attractive image...no wonder my H is a WAS...haha). Anyway, it has helped. There is no need for you to suffer from those feelings. I am by no means a proponent of meds, but sometimes we all need a little help to get us through the day. Hope that helps.
Thanks Imdi. I may look into it but I will try to go it on my own for now.
Update:
W in a pretty good mood today. She's going to get her hair re-done (didn't like what her guy did last week). She initiated a big hug before she left. Don't have a clue anymore. She will be home tonight so I guess that's a plus but the weekend looms and with it comes the Super Bowl and the possibility she will be watching it with the OM. It will be the next major test. We also have another b-day party out of town this weekend so it will be action packed for sure. I am getting a case of short breath and a bit panicked but I am going to try to calm down a bit. Like I said, there is no real reason I should feel like this right now other than my own overactive mind.
Well GH, looks like you and I will have to work on finding the center again, lol.
My W has been sleeping on the couch all afternoon, she has to work a 12 hour shift tonight. She complained to me earlier when I was on the phone with her that I wasn't letting her sleep...hmmm, guess the 20 minute phone call to OM didn't interfere with that, did it. But then again, I doubt he was badgering her about what she was going to do in life....(p.s., I don't like him very much).
OK sarcasm off, its much too negative and I do not want to spread negativity around, just venting. In any event, I'm still up in the air, but I guess its important to be a good person. If I have any chance of saving this M, I cannot burn bridges and must be a better person. At the very least, I must be a better person for me and the girls.
GH. Remember, lets try to focus here....the positive is, she gave you a nice hug. You're not living in the moment, but now you're looking towards Sunday and letting that ruin your day
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Well, tonight was interesting for a couple reasons. First, my W and I spent the entire night together watching TV, but not like we have been recently, more like we used to. We cracked jokes and really had a good time. The only downer was a comment she made that really set me back. I made a comment about a woman being sexy as a joke (sorry girls, but she wasn't) and my W's comment was "Damn, I guess you are deprived." Any other time of our lives that would have been funny, and I did manage to pull off a little laugh, but it hurt. She knows how I feel. I guess it's just good that she is having a sense of humor about things but... Anyway, the night is almost over and I see no real trauma or drama on the horizon. It was a good night, spent with a friend. It sucks not to be more than that, but at this point, you take what you can get and roll with the rest.
So last night was good, but damn me if I cannot stop thinking about what my W said "Damn, you really are deprived." Could it all come down to that? I mean, really, it is a STRONG factor in how I feel. It has been almost 4 months without and that is as long as I have gone since the first time in HS. Lucky me? That aspect of this whole thing seems an unlikely one to unravel me but now that I am thinking about it, maybe not. Am I just weak or do you all feel this too? Am I just being a guy?
I think it depends on the person, and depends on the couple. I found that the closer my M has come to the end, the more we were ML. Of course now that my H has checked into D laws and discovered he won't be able to file if we continue to ML I have been cut off .
We've gone long periods before, early in our R when he had to go home to England for months at a time because of his visa and other times when we both got busy and drifted apart. But now that things are really falling apart I think ML has been one of the few ways we've remained connected. So I'm upset that it appears we won't have that connection. It isn't about ML, it isn't about sex, it's about being close to someone you love.
It isn't about ML, it isn't about sex, it's about being close to someone you love.
I really feel this way too, but it really took this happening to make me totally understand it. Sad really. Well, I think I commented on your being able to ML even with the D looming. I wonder how many men with WAW are still ML regularly. I would think the number is quite small. Am I right guys?
GH-- Sorry that I have not posted anything in awhile. It is difficult for me to have access to a computer since W uses it all of the time at home and she is always looking over my shoulder, so I only have time at work or really late at night. Anyway, your assessment is accurate for me. We have not ML in about a month and I am not even in the same bedroom anymore. At least you still have that, even if it does not seem like much. You don't realize how much you "need" the other person, if for nothing else but to hold them next to you until it is taken away from you. Don't let W comments get to you though. She is just testing you to see what it will take to put you back at your "old" self. My W tried the same thing the last 2 weeks and I just blow it off. I don't even cry in front of her anymore, it felt like she was enjoying it too much. Keep strong and whatever you do, go into "your world" on Sunday and enjoy the game!!!
Don't misread my sitch. My W and I share the same bed but we don't ever touch. We have not since the bombs fell a month ago. So in that respect, it makes it almost worse to wake up in the morning, see her there and not be able to reach out to her. It really hurts, even still.
For what its worth, we don't really sleep together mainly becasue she works at night during the week, but usually on the weekends we do, depending I suppose. As for ML, we still do, but not nearly as regularly as we used to. Its very sporadic now and usually very rushed....seems as though you get a happy trigger after a few weeks
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
.