Thanks as usual Rob. I will take all that in and try to apply it. I will respond to the most pressing question you asked:
I have to ask you, are you sure about this?
I am sure of it. Yes, of course there were happy moments, days, weeks, but the M itself, largely due to my dependance on her for just about all of my emotional well-being, was strained at best. When I look back on our life together, even back to our honeymoon, I see evidence of the strain. I think she just accepted it for all this time because she's used to (found this out in my C session yesterday) having people in her life do that. She was the emotional rock for her entire family when her brother died. She took care of a lot of the arrangements and stayed strong when they all crumbled. It took a severe toll on her, but even before that I sense she has been the depended on in codependent relationships before. My C says W is also codependent but it manifests in different ways with her. I am by no means saying that my entire marriage is a sham. I don't believe that for a minute. What I am saying is that my W will have to look DEEP to find the good, loving, fun, no pressure times in our lives when the M was strong, I was strong, and we were great together.
