Grasshopper,

about the list of thing she told you.
Quote:


1. -I have been feeling this way for a long time
2. -Didn't you notice that we were living like roomates?
3. It's too tiring, coming here and having your emotional well-being on my shoulders. It has been that way for a long time.
4. -I don't believe in counseling. It's not how I was raised. You know whats wrong (she didn't mean me, she meant in general), you know what you need to do to fix it. Also, she said she thought going to C was another way for me to coerce her into coming back.
5.-I asked her how HE felt about all this. She said he knows EVERYTHING and was ok with it.
6. -She said she was not ready to give up totally just yet.
7. -She said she was not willing to work on us at all.
8.-You are still doing the guilt thing. You still look like you're going to have a nervous breakdown if I go out for milk.
9 -Sometimes I actually do go out by myself. You don't believe that. Sometimes I need to be away from everyone.
10-I don't know what I am doing.




FIrst one - check! Heard that one.
Second - check!
Third - something like that.
Fourth - right on!
Fifth and sisxth - yeah.
Seventh - very much so.
And so long and so forth. I heard them all from my H as if they rehearsed that one together.

WHat does it tell you, it should tell you that it's a similar pattern, a pattern to change and rewrite reality so that it fits nicely into one's new perception.

Now, my old bad habit of overquoting:

"People don't often leave marriages without first being unfaithful. We usually assume that affairs happen because the marriage is so awful, and that does seem to happen about a fourth of the time. The rest of the time the marriage was serviceable prior to the affair, and became awful after the affair. One partner has the affair, ruins the marriage, and then flees the wreckage.

NYSurvivor - excellent point about detachment. I'll definitely give it a thought, because passive-agressive aloofness has been my sin all throughout.
Friendly detachment it what I'm trying to learn now.

To get through the darkest period of the night, act as if it is already morning. The Talmud