My story is in the link below, but basically, I'm quite new here, although in terms of dealing with a WAS I feel like a seasoned veteran already. To be short, during going to school full time I suddenly found that my perfectly romantic and ideally compatible marriage of 8 years (at least from everyone else's point of view) led my H to awaken one day, realize that he developed feeling for an OW which meant that it's over for us; and so he dropped everything including his job and left for her.
Well, I'l tell you what. If I, a weak devastated woman could survive this and become stronger, then there's no doubt that you guys will prevail too.
In terms of book advice, I have some excellent resources I'll refer you to right now:
definitely do read "Private Lies" by Frank Pittman, it's about infidelity, its causes and its likely outcomes. Read the chapter about Romantic affairs, where he explains that it's not your fault in any way, that it's a temporary insanity which is really hurtful but will pass. Quote. " The betrayed partner has the difficult job. SPouses of people caught up in the throes of a romance feel that their M is threatened, their dreams shattered, their security gone, but even more awful is the insult. Suddenly their partner in a love that was once this special too has declared them to no longer exist. There can be few greater insults than that. But in addition, their mate has come to life in another relationship, displaying a capacity for happiness and joy that has not been readily apparent up until now. The insult and rejection seem total. It is very difficult to recognize that this craziness and disorientation shouldn't be taken personally. The betrayed partner may not even realize that the infidel is likely to return home. It is difficult to survive such a degrading and depersonalizing situation, yet there are advantages to holding on. Nothing the betrayed spouse can do will affect the romance, but the romance is time limited and will most likely fall apart. DOn't try to out-romance a romantic. Don't bother to arous jealousy. DOn't try to get your partner's attention, increase your partner's guilt, or threaten some sort of unpleasantness. Just express your point of view and then go off and do whatever holds you together during this time"
To get through the darkest period of the night, act as if it is already morning.
The Talmud
