Don't blame yourself! You are not pushing her away! She has already pushed herself away from you and the R to a certain degree. It is easy to put all this on your shoulders but it takes to tango. You are absolutely right you do not want to give her anymore reasons to leave and you are not. If she makes that decision it will be on her own accord. This is the big issue with detatchment. The books say we can only change ourselves if you want to change our realationship. Your W and my W are not in the change mode right now. We can not look towards them for validation. They are in their own world right now. You and I are very alike in that we want them to change and we have been able to influence and control them in the past to change. Now we have hit the wall and can't do that. Letting go of the control is hard. My only recommendation is not to do it like I did! This is where I am at. I have stopped trying to change my W, and she has to live her life the way she wants. I am going on with mine. The hard thing is whenever my W walks in a room or I see her for the first time in the morning my heart fills up with joy and love, and she lights up my world! This has been the way it has always been with me! Even this morning it happened, but when she couldn't look at me I was able to control MY emmotions, but the feeling of joy and love was still there! GH you can do this! This is a dip in the rollercoaster ride. Know that there is ups in this journey also!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
