Well, another weekend in the books and I wish I could say it was a good one. I am feeling panicked today but I am going to control that. My W went out to "dinner with friends" last night and came home at around 10:00. I went downstairs to say hello and get a drink of water before going to bed. We talked about the kids for a few minutes and then I went to bed. Of course she still feels the need to tell me when she plans on coming to bed. "I won't be long, I don't want to feel tired in the morning. Probably in bed by 12:00"...she came to bed after 2:00am. Oh well.
So, I am starting a new week. I have a C session tomorrow. I need to talk to W about going to C. She has never said no, but I think that's just because she thinks it's a deal breaker or that she'd hurt my feelings too much if she did. I don't know. Also, we are supposed to go to her sister's for another b-day party this weekend. I don't know if I can do that again, but I need to for DBing sake. I am back to being numb again. I am looking for all those pretty colors I was seeing in the sky, trees and grass last week but they are elusive. I know they're there but I have to try harder to find them I guess. I wish someone could tell me I was going to be ok. I am really growing but this hole in my heart will not go away. It actually seems to be getting bigger. I faltered this weekend and I fear I may not have many of those left before I push her completely away. I just hope I can stay strong.
