GH-- It must have been something in the stars last night. I have been asking to see if I save my M because I really want to, but I have come to the hard reality that if W does not want to, then there is no M. Things were pretty rough this morning. I found out that my "friend" was the OM and that she wants to try to start a R with him to see where it goes and just wants me to sit back and wait. I have found that I must look at myself and my kids and see that if I can be happy and make sure that they are happy and have food and clothes then that needs to be my priority. I think that sometimes we get so tied up in our problems, that we don't realize we are neglecting our children and also involving them. If the M was truly meant to be (I don't know how everyone here feels about religion, so I am going to try and be broad about all the divine intervention stuff), it will work out and this may be what was needed to cement the R. Maybe the initial foundation was not good enough to support a long lasting M, so you may have to rebuild it and do it better this time. I have come to that realization in my M. I can honestly tell you that I don't think it will work for my W and the OM, and I have told myself now that I will accept a D if necessary and then if she wants to come back to me, guess what, she has to earn me back and I get to be the center of attention. If not, I have made myself better and can be a better father to my kids. It took a lot of soul searching for me to realize that, but after you think about it and realize that you have to have 2 people actively involved in a M to have it succeed, you realize that no matter what you do, you can not substitute anything for the second person. One thing that I said to W and maybe should not have, was I questioned her if the OM would be willing to take on our 3 kids. I have found that the hardest part of this is that the OM is able to devote all of his schedule to her if necessary. He gets his cake and is able to eat it too. He gets to see W anytime he wants, gets to devote 100% attention to her, and at the same time, there is no commitment. It makes us hard to compete with that, but you know what. I think that eventually it will sink in when W realizes that it is not in the best interest of the kids and this person would probably not make a good person to have the kids around. How long will it take for the OM to find someone else that he can have his way with? All in all, try to overcome and be happy. It is one of the hardest things to say and even harder to do, but maybe find someone that you can confide in and ask them to lunch. This is what I have done and it helps for me to have someone actually there to talk to and understand. If nothing else, it will give you a chance to talk and maybe forget for a little while.
