Unique Situation...hardley...sad...part 3

[PArob]

Oh dear me GH, I really feel for you right now. Sometimes I think we lead parallel lives. Let me fill you in, then lets see what we can do for each other here.

So Friday night, I got home, feeling pretty good all in all. W is sleeping on the couch since she worked like a million hours all week. I figure its a good time for me to clean up the house a bit, etc. I go upstairs and her purse is laying on the floor of our bedroom, with her wallet out on the floor. I go pick up the wallet and notice a piece of notebook paper sticking out. Mind tells me "STOP", fingers do all the tallking. I open it up and its, of course, a love letter from OM professing his undying love for my W. ARRGGGGHH! I figure, okay, it actually validated some things she told me (he starts out by saying that they haven't had the opportunity to talk in a while, etc), but still I'm reeling. I call upon all my detachment powers, put it neatly back in her waller (after i made a copy of it) and go on like nothing happened. She wakes up and finds her pursue where I had found it. Automatically she accuses me of moving it. I said no, that is where I found it. She asks the girls if they moved it, they say no. So of course I break out with a comment like "why, are you trying to hide something." Anyway, I see things escalating, but I back off. Friday night we get into a semi argument, things end cooly but okay.

Yesterday, I'm having trouble bottling it up, especially because she's acting so aloof and distant to me! I went for a motorcycle ride to clear my head, came back and we took the girls out for bowling. Come home and I'm still keeping it inside. Long story short, I spill the beans. She gets angry at me because I had no right to read the letter WTF?? This is the same person who used to regularly root through my wallet, my computer log, emails and phone! We argue. Finally, I just give up and we go to bed.

So here I am, 11 am on Sunday. How do I feel? Not so bad really. And here is where I give advice (sorry, I wasn't trying to hijack your sitch GH, just thought it would be helpful to related). I'm really upset with myself for reading the letter and for actually letting it get to me. In hindsight, the way I see it, if I would have just stayed the course, he would be the one coming off as needy and pathetic....not me. His letter was sappy like the ones I used to write about three months ago. Desparation? I hope so. In any event GH, I know it is hard considering the messages you saw, but we both have to be the better people here. If we start appearing pathetic, then what have we gained? We have to give them space to make the decisions for themselves. It is so very hard, but please focus on the haves, not the have nots. Find your center. You do not have the power to make things right for her, only yourself and in the process, you hope that she sees that you are the better person. You have the ability to do it. You are an amazing person and, as I read earlier, a DB deity! Please, try to let it go and refocus on whats at stake in the long run.