hang on tight...this is that coaster you know and love...you have not lost her...she is still living at home and I think she will eventually come around but as you have said you have grown so much over the past couple of months that you going to be a better man from it...file away your knowledge...there might be a time when you need it...but bringing it up when you have these emotions will back fire on you big time.
Ok. I will not DO anything. I will try as hard as I can to keep this contained. It is such a physical reaction right now though. I feel sick. I'm shaking. She's got to notice. I will try to get out for a bit but there is only about 1.5 hours until the party. The only thing I DID do already was tell her I was going to a basketball game tomorrow night. I knew she had plans but didn't tell me yet. She said she had plans but to go anyway. I said ok. I know it was strange for me to do that. She even questioned it saying "What, did you just decide you wanted to go now?" Oh well. F-me.
If you can't get out of the hous...Go and hug your kids and look at them! They are the reason you need to be strong right now! Gain strength from the love your kids have for their Daddy and what you mean to them!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Ok, so now my parents are here and I had to leave the room. To see her all smiles and hugs for my parents overwhelmed me. If they knew what she was doing they'd kill her, not hug her. "Oh, it's SO nice to see you. How are you feeling." MY A$$! And the award for the best supporting actress goes to.... I need to breathe. Now I find out her sister is coming and she knows what's going on. Freaking great.
Well, Tim/vince/others were right. It did pass. I am still angry as hell but I am doing ok. Good news is that just as predicted, ALL the women at the party noticed how good I look now. There were extended conversations about how I lost weight, and what kind of weight training I am doing to put on the muscle! The really funny part is that I have not really added muscle, just lost the fat but hey, I'm not going to argue. It feels really good to hear those things. I will update after the party...time for cake now...
I am so proud of you. Even in the face of such AWFUL information you held it together. You are a DB GOD!
I absolutely know the sick feeling. Got it when I found a post by OW on my computer describing having sex with my H. I didn'y hold it together, I lost my freakin mind and instead of solidly in limboland I am in a rush toward D, precipitated by him.
Thanks mama. I am still ok, but my W called me on some of the comments I have made throughout the day. I really just couldn't leave it alone. Of course, nobody else knows what I REALLY meant by saying that my W had lot to do with my weight loss and how she is REALLY good at motivating me to lose weight. She cornered me and asked me what was up with all the comments. I really didn't have much to say. Guilty as charged. I suppose she may want to talk about it later. Funny, because I don't.
I am SO PROUD OF YOU! You did not react, acted "as if" in the face of an internal stuggle with your emotions- and you are a better man for it! Its a wonderful, tangible, demonstration of your inner strength and courage. That you are a better person than to allow youself to be dragged into the mess W has created Really, I wish two months ago I had this board, everyone's insight, b/c I've been in the same exact sit and I reacted to the messages and my emotions and it was HORRIBLE. Absolutley horrible. I think it's Vince who recommended filing your knowledge away for some point later in the future. I think that is wise advice, especially if you and your W ever decide to reconcile. That may be a more appropriate time to bring up what you uncovered... as a lead in to things wifey can do to make you feel more assured of her love and commitment to you. I know it's hard to "act" in front of family; trust me, I got to go over to my folk's place tomorrow and "act" along side H that everything is fine in our R... cause lord knows, if they knew the truth.... H would not be getting a bday gift from them, let alone be welcomed into their house!!!!
Just keep in mind the bigger picture- what did snooping accomplish? Did it make you feel good? What did it do about your opinion of wife? And what would it accomplish if you shared your "information" with wife? Make things better or worse? Improve her opinion of you in her eyes, or worsen it?
And last lesson- NO MORE SNOOPING! But you already knew that, didn't you?
Let us know how the rest of your son's bday plays out.
PetiteFlower
Quote: Follow Your Bliss
~Joseph Campbell
Grasshopper-- Thanks for the great referral to this forum. I have read you stitch and have found so much that you are going thru is the exact same as me. As soon as I read your post about checking W cell for messages, I knew exactly where you were. I did the same thing yesterday with my cell bill for our phones. Big mistake!!! All it did was get me more angry and frustrated with no resolution. I had just created another problem for myself. I have had some good advice from another forum, but by far the best I have seen is from this one. I emailed you and told you that I was going to tell you why it took me so long to post, but it may take too much of your thread, so I will start my own. All I can say is that after one night, I had both hope and despair all at once. I do not know a lot and am probably the last to say anything, but reading that thread, the first thing that came to my mind was something that I was told to do. When you feel anxiety setting in from something that has happened take a deep breath or meditate. Whatever you do, don't act on your impulse. I have found out first hand that all it does is usually complicate things and set you back.
Thanks Flower. I know all that stuff it's just so hard to implement. Now everyone is gone and I am going to have to face being alone with W and kids. It seems like the feeling from earlier is back because I just look at her and know the lies and deception is standing right in front of me. I really hate this again. I am going to have to resist harder than ever before to not say SOMETHING to her tonight. I feel like crap right now. I feel lower than ever before. I feel like a doormat more than ever. Sadly, I know many of you are in much worse sitches, including my friend Tim, yet I still feel too weak to withstand this. I want to ask her how long I need to "let her do what she needs to do" in her words. I want to ask her WTF! She may be the woman I love, but she is also the woman I despise on some level now. Sure, I know, it's not about me. Well, I'M about me and my wits end is near. Thank you to you all for getting me this far. It will be a miracle if I get through tonight without exploding.
But you already knew that, didn't you?