Do you think perhaps you have low self-esteem (I don't see it in you, but then again, no one ever sees it in me either).
Oh, it's my biggest downfall. It's funny. Half the world, really, most of the world sees me as a talented, almost arrogant, outgoing, full-of-life kind of person that can command a room, and then there is the real me who is terrified of rejection, criticism, and failure. Within personal relationships I have terrible self esteem issues.
As for the root being my mother or father, I don't really know. Neither of them were ever very loving in a traditional way. I don't think they did it on purpose, to raise me tough or anything, they're just not affectionate people. I stopped getting hugs very early on. I don't ever remember saying I love you, or hearing it growing up. I'm sure they said it, but when, I can't tell you. I think that may be a large part of my problem. I think my W may not have felt how much I love her because I never really learned how to express that love in a physical way other than sex. I love to cuddle, kiss, hug, just be close, but with my W I got so afraid she would reject me, or just think I wanted sex, that I stopped doing those things a lot of the time. I still wanted to but it was less of a risk not to. Does that make sense? Anyway, my self analysis time is up. I guess this is therapeutic. That, and boring too...
