So, I was driving home, thinking about the question Lisa asked me about my anger. I was just making sure that what I wrote was true, that I really did not express my anger any other way. As I was thinking about this, all of a sudden I realized something.
Well at least I am good for something...got you thinking...funny how that works sometimes. I am glad it opened things up for you my friend.
You have seen a pattern. That is EXCELLENT...that was one of the first things I did was to step back and see the pattern.
They say that you select your mates based on unresolved issues from your childhood. So now stop and think, do you think that your issues would be with your mother or your father. Dig deep, because apparently it took me 42yrs to figure out it was my mother all these years. My father and I had an excellent relationship. But because he died shortly before my graduation I thought my issues were with him. They weren't...it was dear mom who currently lives with me. She's always been there for me, but not in loving motherly way. Never any words of love, encouragement, praise. I was always taught to be strong and independent. But to never feel or expect love. There's more but this is your thread.
So now stop and think about it. Look at your past Rs and see where you think they could be fitting in all this.
Another interesting thought to share...my exH had a wonderful GF that is now one of my dearest friends. She's been in therapy 3yrs over the SOB. At one point she told me something very interesting that her therapist shared with her. Women with low-self esteem issues, often will not make very healthy selections in mates. It gives them the opportunity to try and fix him, change him, turn him into someone...then they can stand back and relish in the glory saying See What I've done...I helped this man become something...he would never have done this without me by his side. She feels the increase in her self-esteem because of what she feels she has done for him. Or, and this one is more interesting...if she picks someone and he is let's say a real loser, an alcoholic, a bum, abuser (emotionally or physically) she can get her glory by claiming martyrship...you know the phrase, poor poor pitiful me? Look at my life...look at my H, see how he treats me and she receives sympathy from everyone in her life...forever the victim.
Now I've not read up on any of this parental influence stuff...if anyone has info or book suggestions, send them my way because I think that there is something there. I am a CA but it's not ever been because of a man in my life, it's been because of my R with my mother...and as my friend said, it's going to take a strong, patient and loving man to help me through this, as well as therapy...to help me stand up for myself.
So that's food for thought...I think you've hit something GH...now look back into your R with your parents, do you see anything there?
As Hope asked, what do you think the attraction is for these women? Do you think perhaps you have low self-esteem (I don't see it in you, but then again, no one ever sees it in me either). Do you not feel worthy of a normal (and what the hell is normal anyway?) R? You've obviously done something well, you've created several strong women through the years...what are your needs in an R? Have you ever thought about it? Has any ONE of them ever met them?
Okay, over and out, til I get to NY...you behave...I am thrilled to see you open this door. Damn you are lightyears ahead of me here...
