Ok, really it isn't that big a deal, really. Sorry for all the build up. So, I was driving home, thinking about the question Lisa asked me about my anger. I was just making sure that what I wrote was true, that I really did not express my anger any other way. As I was thinking about this, all of a sudden I realized something. I realized that every woman I have ever been with was in need when I met them, and badly in need. My girlfriend out of HS had an abusive older sister that disrupted her enitre family. She was suffering that when I met her. I helped her get away from that, not literally but our relationship got her out of the house a lot and helped take her mind off everything. When we went off to college together, we lived together for about a year before she decided she needed to see what else was out there for her. My next girlfriend was a total nut. I mean that. She totally pursued me but at the core, she needed me. She did not have a place to live (just left home) and crashed with me. We were together mainly by default. In the end, she got a life and disappeared...on that one...thank God! It is a long story but one I'd just as soon forget. Next GF was mainly normal but she was really prone to drama. There was always something in her life she needed rescuing from. I was great at that. See a pattern here? Then came my W (well there were a couple not too serious stints with women in between but). She was getting over the death of her brother who she was closer to than anyone else in her life. She was a wreck. Really, it's only recently (gee, what a surprise) that she claims to be past that, TEN years later. So here we are, she doesn't need me anymore and...poof...leaving. I'm sure NYS or others could have a field day with this. Basically I have met every woman I have been serious with in a time of crisis or deep need. That scares me. It means that I have never really been in a "normal" relationship that is based on something other then them needing me, or me perceiving them as needing me. I am afraid of what this means about me. I am only happy when someone needs me, and they're only happy with me when they think they need me? This is probably something for my shrink... So, Lisa, told you it wasn't that big a deal. Sorry for all the drama. BTW, I don't feel like the past, say 6-7 years have been all based on need in my marriage. Maybe that's where I failed, finally NOT being there for a woman who truly did need me...
