I think you replied to my post before I posted a few more...make sense?
I am a bit concerned in your last post about previous expression of anger...can we talk about this about...examples...
My anger was always expressed in a mood, not really in angry words or actions. When I say I would usually get angry, I would get short with her, frustrated, whiney, etc. Rarely would I express my anger in a normal way, i.e. telling her I was angry, raising my voice, etc. I have NEVER gotten violent, with her or anyone else. It's not my nature. Too bad because like everyone else, I would LOVE to have a TALK with the OM...
Your first suspicion is that she's been with om all morning and now has to get the stuff ready for the party. You don't know what she has been doing. Let me tell you, you are not alone in knowing all the behind the scenes stuff that is done...just like we don't know how your days go.
Ok, she USED to call me all times of the day and tell me what she was doing. She still tells me that most of her days are spent dropping the kids off, spending time at the gym, shopping for groceries, picking the kids up. Fine. This used to take about 2-3 hours total. She used to be home almost every day for at least 3-4 hours doing whatever, and no bon-bons were ever involved. If she did housework, I always made sure to appreciate it, but sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. She would complain because now that S3 is in pre-school, and S5 is in kindergarten, she has nothing to do. Even when she TRIED to find things to do, she would complain of not being able to. She wanted to get a job (always planned on it when S3 went to school) to fill in the time, get back socialized and make some extra money. Even before S3 was in school full time she would complain about having too much free time and describe her days in detail. She's never had a problem talking to me about her day in detail which is why I have a pretty good handle on it. Now, in the past few months (since the affair started) it seems like she never has time to do anything anymore. She could have one thing to take care of, i.e. dropping some paperwork off somewhere, and somehow not be able to find the time to do it. This happens daily now. These are not things she is doing for me, or that I ask her to do, they are things SHE wants to get done and yet in 8 hours, give or take, she can't ever seem to get them done. Even this party for example. She told me every day this week she needed to do this and that to get ready for it. In the course of our "how was your day" conversation she told me every day that she didn't get such and such done. I didn't ask why. I used to think I didn't care but I guess I do. Look, I am really uninterested in getting the rundown on her days anymore than she seems happy to share it with me. I know she's in an affair and that outside of a couple nights here and there, she sees him during the day. I know they meet at the gym but go who knows where else. It doesn't take much conjecture on my part to put two and two together and come up with their time together as what's been filling her days so much that she has no time for anything else. Now, I am past that. I know so long as I am DBing and willing to accept that this A needs to either run it's course, I can't dwell on this stuff, so I don't. I had a moment of weakness and I think I am going to be ok.
