Actually, think of the big step forward you just made. You vented on here instead of doing it to her face. That takes determination.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
seriously though, I can empathize. Part of what boggles my mind is how, similarly, my W can pull stuff like this and all I want to yell is "what right do you have to demand anything of me!!" But, I guess part of it is, they are still married to us, and despite what's happening behind the scenes, they still see us as the "sounding board". Oftentimes I'll sit there and ask myself, I wonder if OM has ever got to see this side. Obviously, that's a no!
Deep cleansing breathes....and now get back to your day!
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
I am stuck thinking that all this DBing is really just proving to her that I can be the greatest friend a woman could ever have, even sticking by her while she does another man. WHAT A GREAT GUY!
YES. Rewrite that from a woman's point of view and that is exactly how I feel. I can even hear what must be going through WAH's mind: "Boy, when I'm ready, we're going to have the easiest, smoothest divorce in history! She's just swell!"
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
No, am venting here AND I am sitting with my hand on the phone, ready to lay into her. It's one thing for me to go on with this charade, and DB and all that, but its another to actually take crap so she can defend her lies. I guess I should have known this was coming. She's facing a weekend with my parents (who have NO clue), and friends who do not support her (some of whom know most who don't). She's been in an increasingly foul mood since yesterday. I am going to REALLY try not to take this personally. It's the right thing to do. Or not...
Man, I really am feeling you right now! I really do. Nothing I'd like to do more than right now is to lay into my W for a lot of things. But....and here's the kicker, neither you or I should. What will it solve? Nothing. Will you feel better? Temporarily, until you find yourself feeling guilty for backsliding and then find yourself apologizing for getting angry (yes, I've done it a thousand times). Point is, you can't do anything about it and no matter what level of dissatisfaction you display to her, you'll end up regretting it sooner or later.
just my .02 worth.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Thanks Rob. I know. I know. I know. I don't FEEL that way, but I know not getting angry is the right thing to do. Beyond that, I guess I shouldn't even call her to see if she got there ok, eh (the directions were a bit odd)? I suppose this is one of those "give her space" moments where if I call her now, she'll probably just get angry, or get me more angry or both. See, told you I would unravel at the first test. Things have been too calm the past few days...methinks rough seas are ahead.
SIGH I'm with you. And yes, you are right on with your assessment...if you call she'll see it as a ruse for you to start in on something and the whole thing will escalate.
It is a test, and so far, you are passing. Keep it up.
Stay positive, 180 her. She probably thinks you are going to be upset, be positive and upbeat when you see her later. I know, I know, easier said than done
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Thanks Rob. She called back, from the place and was in a totally different mood (of course I think that's because OM was not right there) and used her normal, calm, almost sweet tone of voice in asking me specifics about the soccer thing she needed to know for the forms she was filling out. It was a pleasant conversation and went without emotional hitch. Who the hell knows these days. I will keep on keepin on and let you all know how tonight goes providing I don't need another intervention before then.
I'm really happy that the crisis was averted. Keep positive. *HIGH FIVE*
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
