Lisa Lisa Lisa, I thank you for getting detailed. Sometimes it really helps to see that people care that much. Anyway, I don't have to wonder, my W TOLD me that she'd sacrificed too much already and she needed to get back to being "her" again. Of course that's not possible with me. I would go on to add, even though she didn't, that it's not possible with the kids in the picture either but it would bring her WAY too much guilt to come out and say that. She's had her moments where she was close to admitting that this whole marriage, kids, good wife thing was the most horrible thing she's ever experienced. I saw her doing this. I saw her subjugating her life for everything and everyone else and I let her convince me that SHE really wanted to do it when I knew better. She is a social creature and I saw her distance herself from her friends. That should have told me something, and it did, it told me that she was totally ok with just being with me, in our home and living together happily ever after. Damn, why was I so blind. One of our problems is that we always said "We'll do that sometime" or "Ok, when then kids are...we'll get back to doing that". Well, Mr. Right Now came along and made my W realize, in addition to the MLC issues I think she was already feeling, that she does not have to wait for anything or anybody to get back to "that". She can have "that" now. I still struggle daily with the idea that I am somehow LETTING her do this. I know I do not control her, but I DO control whether I am going to continue to be here or not. Even my C brought up the "enabling" issue but quickly let it go. She is confounded by this phenomenon of a W who can continue an A out in the open while staying married. She does not think I am weak by any means for doing what I am doing, she is just amazed at the strength of my W to withstand the immense pressure for all sides in this.
So, I am detaching and letting go, but I still go through a lot of the same emotions as the first day I posted. I don't think that will ever change. The "what if" game is one I may play till my dying day about this.
