(sigh...) You're right, of course, HP. Far from being a promising start on progress, I now see that I utterly mishandled the whole situation. Instead of the act of differentiation I thought I was having, I now realize it was an act of deepest fusion. As Schnarch has said, it's never too late to sell yourself out. I really have let things slide far too long - I no longer even have a handle on where to begin. Back to working on myself first, that's what's needed. Hopefully I can rise above the level of relationship dunce. And of course further discussions with her, but on a different tack. Still, last night won't be a total waste if it can lead to further understanding on both our parts.
One thing I have resolved to do is to listen carefully when she talks, looking for opportunities to validate her. I've begun to realize I do far too little of this, and that's undoubtedly a large part of the problem.
