not sure what to do next-please help

[PositivelyListening]

Oh Erin, I am so happy to see your post and to have you back. I have missed you terribly, and thought of you most every day while you were absent. I know you are feeling discouraged and your situation does seem bleak at the moment. RB said:

Personally, I would guess, then, that you're a year or more away from a likely end to his A (my guesses are worth what you pay for them). I think that, if I were you, I'd be planning on how to spend the next 18 months. At that point, it will probably be clear what direction you need to move in.

and I tend to agree with him based on my current sitch as well, I have been recently guessing that my H's end to the A is at least a year off, maybe 18 months - he's just too deep in the obsession and infatuation and "in love" feeling to see anything else at all right now. I also agree with RB that your H moving in with the OW might move it along to an ending. ESPECIALLY if all the while, you are being a great mom to your son and GAL like crezy. I know it is tempting to leave and just go home. I want to "run away from home" really badly right now too, and start a new life anywhere else but here because I often feel like I will never have a life of my own or a life with H either if I stay here. But this is my home, my life I have created, and I just know I will regret it if I rush to find a way out of the discomfort I am experiencing. I could always leave later when I am not so up and down. But not now. And you, because you have a son together - please hang in there and do everything in your power to stay the course so that your son will have a R with his dad. Picture this - it is a good thing that H will be coming by every evening to see your son and have dinner with you. You will be looking great, calm and beautiful and happy with your new life (I know - it doesn't feel like it yet, but "act as if" and picture this future) and the OW will begin resenting the time he spends with you and son and put the pressure on H and guess who will be more fun to be with? Just stall the D and keep being his friend and ally as much as possible, be cheery, be patient, while even more important, taking care of you.

I am a fine one to talk, I know - I have been very restless lately and have done a few things that I am sure pressured H even though it wasn't my intention when I said what I said. I am still just way too focused on H's behavior and am still too shocked and reactive when I see what he is doing/saying.

I think the IC you are doing is awesome, I am not sure it is helping me either just yet, but hang in there with that too, as I am finding that it may not be one thing, but the combination of things I am doing to grow that is moving me forward. People in my environment are noticing that I am looking and feeling good, so something must be happening even though I can't always see it. The biggest problems I have had recently are around yearnings or subtle expectations put on H. So picture the above future secnario with H beginning to think, "what the hell was I thnking leaving Erin?", but also don't expect anything except that you are building a great future for yourself, and a stronger and better Erin than ever, no matter what your future holds.

I just today bought a new book about living with ambiguity and having it be a GOOD thing - I will let you know how it is

Again, I am SOOO happy to see you back on the board. Try not to do that dissappearing thing again! My fear of abandonment kicks in... I am actually very proud of you. Lurking and integrating can also be very useful. Sometimes we just have to shut up and listen a little too. You are doing great work. I am really really really happy to see you here again