Please take care of yourself. I honestly understand the obsessive thoughts, the denial (you don't tell people because you fear that doing so makes it more real to you), the revenge fantasy - but you can only work on you now. I'm sorry, but it's a truth learned that you can benefit in simply believing. You don't get it at the moment, but in time you will.
Do get some individual counselling - that is possibly the most productive thing you could do for yourself now. I waited too long and I saw my friends on this board progress and grow much further much more quickly than I did because they were in counselling. Do it for yourself - and while your at it have a massage and a manicure ...
Take care
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
