Ahh, wise GH.
From what I can tell, you DID minimalize his feelings and by saying that it was "the least of his problems" probably reinforced his idea that karma/god/whatever was out to get him. A simple,
wow, I'm sorry honey, that must really hurt. Let me get you some ice (or heat or whatever is appropriate)." would have probably sufficed for comforting without the little jab that a painful injury was NOTHING compared to an affair, broken marriage and dead father

Yes, you are right. H and I always joked about how I am from Mars (three brothers) and he is from Venus (raised by single mother) I am trying to just learn how to just sit in a situation or a conversation without offering a fix or even a way of digesting it. I can see how my opinion here was not useful to him.
Also, you CAN do SOME things to try to affect change, i.e. fix your marriage. The important thing to realize is that those things are all about you and have nothing to do with FIXING him.

I am working on me - trying to find joy in things with S2, running when I can, enjoying good food when I can etc. It's just that I can't seem to find any comfort that this will in turn increase my chances of M working. It seems that the better I do, the easier it is for H to leave. That's not to say I plan to disintigrate before his eyes, its just that the better I cope the more remote my M is from me. I think I read a convo between Superstressed and Imdi about this - we are all here hoping beyond hope for our M's, but sometimes for the least hopeful cases it becomes a personal growth workshop instead. I guess I feel like I'm in the latter group. Yes, it is possible that he will spend all his free time and money on her in the next few months and realize that it is a mistake, but I don't see that happening. He has sacrificed too much now to let her go. He has relationship skills. Now, he'll just use them with her to make this doomed relationship last when he should have used them with me to save our family. I mean, has anybody on this board ever reported a long distance romantic affair ending in an acceptable amount of time? I guess I know it will end, I just think it will be years. I can't wait years.

Anyway, thanks GH for stopping by, and calling me on talking like a man. It's my blessing and curse.
erin
PS I admit I did smile and it did help.:)