Sounds like H is pretty numb right now...right up until that hernia...ouch.
Quote: When I, honestly trying to offer some comfort, said, "Hey, I know things are heavy now, but this hernia has a solution. It's the least of your problems" He was mean as a snake, saying "thanks for minimizing my feelings" etc.
Gray refers to this as Mars/Venus role reversal. From what I can tell, you DID minimalize his feelings and by saying that it was "the least of his problems" probably reinforced his idea that karma/god/whatever was out to get him. A simple, wow, I'm sorry honey, that must really hurt. Let me get you some ice (or heat or whatever is appropriate)." would have probably sufficed for comforting without the little jab that a painful injury was NOTHING compared to an affair, broken marriage and dead father. Just my opinion looking in from the outside Then again, you don't necessarily OWE him the courtesy of caring how he feels but you said you were trying to comfort him, thus indicating you DO care.
Quote: Now, I still cry every day and feel so sad about the end of my M, but I finally get it that I can't fix it. It might get fixed soemday, but that is the least likely outcome. For now I just try to have faith in what people tell me - that either way, I will be happy again. Someday.
It's ok to be sad, just not all the time. Also, you CAN do SOME things to try to affect change, i.e. fix your marriage. The important thing to realize is that those things are all about you and have nothing to do with FIXING him. Someday, maybe today even, you're right, you WILL be happy. Smile right now...see, you did it. Now work on making that a more frequent occurrence brought on by whatever is inside YOU!
As for your feelings about his trip, that is all about boundaries and acceptable limits as far as what you'll continue to endure. I can't really advise you on that. Maybe someone else will chime in.
