I just wanted to say hi, because others on the board have told me about your situation and how similar it is to mine. My H is having an affair with a woman in Germany, and he is flying out on Tuesday for a week with her. I kicked my H out when I found out about the affair (In January) and although I have read that by far the best way to DB is to keep the spouse in your home, for me I have needed the space too or I would never have been able to DB effectively. Of course, I am not sure that I am but I am surely trying. I personally think my H's affair is completely insane - the OW is married with 2 children and is still in secret from her spouse, and even if she decided to reveal and my H leaves the US to be with her he will lose his business, our home, family and of course ME which in my opinion is looking better and better each day. So my attitude about this is that I need to ride it out. It sucks, I hate it. But she is a lying cheat and I believe if he ever gets to be with her he will figure out the grass isn't so green over there. The hard part for me is I think she may seem more appealing due to the distance - more room for fantasy. It would be hard for me to give him more space so he could miss me more than he misses her, unless I completely go dark at some point - whch I may, we shall see.
Anyway, this may sound crazy, but I think if your H is only 95% sure about the OW, then you need to focus on the 5% that is still yours. Like when he gives you a compliment about how sexy you look, can you be confident and flirty,and say "Thanks, I know!" I get from your thread that you have been suffering, and believe me, I understand. This sucks. But you sound like an amazing person, and a loving mother, and a committed loving wife. I think you need to GAL and have some fun and build some confidence so he keeps turning his head your way. Truly, affairs don't work out. (That was my thread where you read that - they end up wanting to come back, especially if we are no longer sad and mopey...) Affairs start on a bad footing. Lies and dishonesty and a lack of integrity does not build the foundation for a great relationship. Take heart, have confidence. Do not give up. I know this hurts. But you have a little child, and if you can do this, you will affect your child for the better for a lifetime. And your life too since it sounds like you really love your H.
Meanwhile, check out my thread too, and let's connect periodically. I think we're sisters-in-sitch.
Hang in there
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
but I am surely trying. I personally think my H's affair is completely insane - the OW is married with 2 children and is still in secret from her spouse, and even if she decided to reveal and my H leaves the US to be with her he will lose his business, our home, family and of course ME which in my opinion is looking better and better each day. So my attitude about this is that I need to ride it out. It sucks, I hate it. But she is a lying cheat and I believe if he ever gets to be with her he will figure out the grass isn't so green over there. The hard part for me is I think she may seem more appealing due to the distance - more room for fantasy. It would be hard for me to give him more space so he could miss me more than he misses her, unless I completely go dark at some point - whch I may, we shall see.
