honestly I can't understand why he continues to lie when I already know about the OW
Yes...it does make you wonder doesn't it? Why need to lie when we already know about ow??? Mine still lies like crazy.

Erin - I know how this hurts. I know the lies are the worst...and lies on top of lies. WHen does it end? Yup..I guessed I did wonder HOW can I still have s#x with him knowing that he's with ow....but I guessed sometimes you just need to block it ALL out. I think if you ask me, I think the thin string that still bound us together in the worst of our sitch was the s#x sessions. Yes, we have two wonderful chilren together, but that was not enough to make him come back. And like you, I don't want to be a single parent. But to my H...his rationale "there are thousands of single parent families and the kids grow up fine.". So that didnt' work with him.

I know that there is the risk of STDs but .... what can I say???

Also, a different way of looking at it (silly but could work) is that your H lies to "protect" you from the truth of him wanting to spend time with ow. So, in a way, he still cares for you. These WAS vacillates continuously. He wants ow. He wants you... So that is why he is still giving you the hugs and kisses but the pull of the ow is too great.... NEW, EXCITING, DIFFERENT... There are just some things that a wife can never provide...the thrill and excitment of a new conquest.

Also, you may want to box-up all your feelings and emotions about your H (I know that in your mind, questions like "how could he do this to me? would I still want to be with a guy who thinks so little of me? etc...yup...did go through all these emotions and questioning) into a box and put it away. For me (which in a DBING sense is BAD)...I take it as a challenge of NOT having ow win the game. I don't focus on my H not caring for my feelings. ...instead, I try to be nice (sometimes NOT successful, I have to admit!) and normal....and confuse him more!! LOL...so that he CANNOT find any good excuse to blame me or to leave me outright! In this way, he cannot be 100% sure of going to ow...as long as that is the case, ow has not won..... May not work for anyone... but it does work for me occasionally.

I know it's hard not to try to find out the REAL status... I have the same problem...but I guessed it is time to ACT AS-IF and be nice to him and confuse him Because if you are upset and scream and all, he can be angry at you, put the blame on you etc. Besides, the WAS expects the LBS to be angry, and when you are not, it knocks them off guard and they don't really know how to react. My H always thought that I would kick him out and file for D papers the moment I found out. But the fact that I didnt' and remained calm (most of the time) really surprised him. Like I said, no great improvements in my sitch, but there are little baby steps....

Keep calm, my dear.