I think there is another option. You can "act as if" and ignore your H's emotions/actions/words, but that is really just a stopgap behavior until you learn to detach. Right now, you need to realize that he doesn't want you to "treat" him any way. He is not considering you at all. When you "consider" him, it annoys him, makes him feel guilty, angers him, etc. Wondering what the best way to react to him is a trap in itself. You need to NOT react to him. Harder than it seems, I know. He doesn't want to leave just yet, but you can't stand to be around him without reacting, right?
Well, thanks you a million times for your words of encouragement. I suppose you are right - it is the reacting at all that is the problem - and I suppose this is where I make my first DB breakthrough - reacting is the problem with me in the first place. I am always concerned about what others think about what I have said or done. It has the positive effect of making me pretty sensitive and considerate, but often the negative outweighs the positive. I know this crusty old guy, a Mainer living way out in the woods, who always says "it's none of your business what other people think of you." I always chuckle at his unlikely insight, but I suppose now is the time to adopt that as a mantra. I'll work on that today - I'll act as if until I can stop obsessively trying to anticipate his response to everything I might say. I've known the man 12.5 years - my whole adult life- and this is incredibly hard and scary to do. Thanks again.
