I cannot say it's nice to meet you because of where we meet. That is our standard greeting (in some form or another). You will find help here and let me start by suggesting a couple threads to read if you have not already. The first one is my own.
Tim's thread (Hit a wall.... is the current one, you will have to search for the first parts) is good too because like mine, his W still sees the OM and lives at home with him and his kids. Frank's thread (Long walk home 1, 2 & 3) may be the most appropriate because his W is continuing an long distance affair. He is also very forthcoming with his posts and offers a ton of information that helped me and many others.
In all of our situations, the OM is still in the picture and we are forced to deal with our WAS living in the same house. It is VERY hard to do. Those who are separated tell us we are lucky but I have my doubts. Our spouses are constant reminders of what is no longer ours, what we miss dearly, our pain. The mantra you will hear a lot is detachment. I think it is something that only comes with time and practice. The time it takes I think varies greatly depending on a lot of factors. Detaching just means that you get to a point where you either naturally (doubtful) or forcefully stop reacting to his stimuli, his actions, his words or his emotions. You realize that you cannot control him. You realize that you CAN control your reaction to him. Detaching does not mean you stop loving him, it means you start loving you more. Detached, you can look at him with pity, anger, hate, love, really anything but it is because YOU feel that way and not because what he just said or did MADE you feel that way. Does that make sense? It may not now because the last thing you probably feel like doing is loving, yourself or otherwise. It will make sense as you ride the ride we call the rollercoaster. After so many times up and down the hills of emotion, you will start to see that there may be another way. You can still love him, be a good mother, and even a good wife if you choose, without playing your role in the crap he's going through. Just realize that what you are feeling and going through is normal and not unique to you. You are not insane. You are not stupid for feeling and doing what you are doing. Also, try to stop thinking about the OW. She is just a part of the problem, but the one that causes you the most pain and emotional reaction. Emotional reaction is not your friend right now. It sounds like you have read one or both of the books. If so, great! They do help, and can be a springboard for what you need to do for yourself. The books specifically talk about your need to turn inward to help yourself become better, happier for YOU, and also to turn outward towards your kid(s) to make sure you not only give them your love, but also fill in some of the gap left from him removing some or all of his expression of love for them. You CAN do this. Some of the women here will encourage you and share with you their thoughts on how they did it. I am just trying to lay the foundation for you and let you know that this is a process that has a beginning. You are there now and we are here to help you along the way. There are some amazing people here, all in the same boat as you, and just knowing you're in such good company may help you feel better. Post a lot, journal here, express your feelings and realize that at least in this way, here, you're not alone.
