I am new to this forum, so forgive me any transgressions in style etc. I just need some help - badly. DH told me Jan2 that he wanted out of marriage after 8.5 years and a darling 2 y.o. son. I said no, give us the chance of counseling, he agreed, but begrudginly. We went, and I was committed to the process, but having a hard time understanding what the actual issues are...well, you all guessed it. On Sunday night my son found a card and a book that his OW had given him. He wouldn't not even own up for hours after that - and still told me many lies. I now know that they met on a business trip Dec 2. and then e-mailed and called (alot) and then he said he hadn't seen her since, but in fact, spent Jan13-16 with her while I thought he was on business. (I saw the credit card statement. Duh.) I think there are still more lies, but then again, of course there are. He said he was trying to save my feelings! Counseling was slow, but I think our two sessions had gotten us somewhere, considering the other work we/I were doing. He said he was "intrigued" by the idea of a brand new marriage to me. He had been nice, but no physical touch, although I was almost begging for it before I knew about the affair. So, now what do I do? He will not stop contacting her. He says they are in love. HE says they have no plans to be together right now or to meet, but I know this is a lie from reading his e-mails - they plan a week together in Germany this summer. I desperately want to get to the business of working on our marriage and forgiving him, but I don't know how to handle the lies, how to handle my daily grief, or even how to act when he comes home at night. For example, I get it that I need to stop nagging and pursuing for sure - but I have a hard time just letting him claim to stay late at work for hours because of work deadlines and then not see out son AT ALL, when I know from phone records that they talk 6 times a day for hours sometimes. How can I be a good mother and still try to DB on the sly? Shoudl we continue counseling when I know he won't take the step our therapist is clear on - ending the relationship? There is lots of stuff out there on getting over infidelity, but it all assumes that the spouse is contrite, which mine is not. He does love me for what its worth, he is just out of his mind with this "love"/addiction to OW. Any words of advice would be much appreciated.
