I get caught in the moment and all my DB wisdom flies out the window.
H has the kids from Saturday evening until Monday after pre-school. He is staying at his mom's who lives down the road from me. So every night that he has the kids he leaves as soon as they go to bed to be with OW. His mom then watches them.
Last night I did a drive by to see if he was there and of course he wasn't. So I called MIL and said that if he was unwilling to watch the kids on the 2 nights of the week he has them, I will come and get them. The custody arrangement we worked out is not for MIL to watch them, she is not a custodial parent. I believe they need to be with either H or I and if he was unwilling to fulfill his part of the bargain I will watch them 7 nights a week.
She said she would make sure he never leaves on nights that he has the kids.
We backslid BIG TIME Saturday. Huge fight about child support, him saying I am dragging my feet in filing. . . Then he goes so far as to say, "Your feelings don't matter. I don't love you. I am in love with OW." He said he only makes 12,000 /yr [X4] so I owe him child support. THAT is when I truly lost it. Told him that if he wanted to go that route I would f*ck him so royally he wouldn't know which end was up. He threatened to cut off the electric and internet [bills are in his name] immediately.
MIL and I talked and agreed all communication needs to go through an intermediary because H and I are so volatile right now.
This is the first time that I have allowed myself to feel rage, to seriously want to screw him over for the way he has been treating me. Not a pleasant feeling.
So, now I am back to square one, GAL, going dark, and finding a PMA.
I want off this roller coaster.
I want to get back to my place of strength and understanding. I know his actions aren;t about me, they are about him but sometimes it seems like he is intentionally trying to goad me into completely losing it.
I have to let go. walk away. It is so hard for me to not feel entitled to know what he is doing, what he is thinking. How do you go from being best friends to sworn enemies? This is just so awful.
