Why is it that I can absolutely know what I need to do and do it but when I need to be holding onto those principles the most I revert to ego-driven emotions? I got picked on today and it pissed me off. I should have been able to let it go see it for what it is, yet in the moment I was indignant.
I think I mentioned this somewhere, H is addicted to painkillers. He told me he takes between 8-10 a day. He originally said he wouldn't quit till after the D because all of this process was so draining. Well tonight I called to tell him I had packed his things and they were on the front porch and he told me that he was weaning himself off the PK. Great, right? He says that he is going to only take 6 for this coming week, then 5 for the next week and so on. That he is really scared because he doesn't know how he can interact with people without them, it makes him so laidback... I said that it is good that he is finally going to have to deal with who he really is instead of hiding. Then he tells me OW convinced him to just start now and not wait until the D is final.
That was like a knife in my heart. Why does she get to have so much influence over him? She gets to play saviour.
I am going to go read some more so that I can come back here and feel a tad more centered. I hate how quickly I can lose my center.
