I actually am pretty thankful for this traumatic event in my life because it demanded that I look at myself and who I have become as a person.
It is hard because I do love him. And I want him to be happy. I can see that he is not right for me yet I don't want him to be with anyone else.
I guess this is all pretty fresh for me and in time I will move beyond that.
I am having a really hard time finding any forgiveness for the OW. For some reason it is easier to forgive HIM than it is to forgive my friend. I see her schening and plotting against me whereas for him, I see it as more of an accident.
H has the hope that he and I can create a true friendship after we sort through the emotional pain, yet I don't see me being able to do that if he is still with her. I cannot seem to forgive that even though I know that I MUST let go in order for me to be truly healthy.
This is such hard work, I know the pay off is worth it, but sometimes I sort of wish that my head was still in the sand and we were going about our complacent life of watching tv, taking care of the kids, and just hanging out. I know I lost myself in the ease of that life but sometimes I wish I had that ignorance back. I don't wish it for long but it is till a part of me.
